Competitive Spirit in Girls: I Was Competitive Before I Knew What It Meant
Updated: 9 hours ago
Before I could explain why the game mattered so much to me, I already knew I wanted to be part of it.
Written by Linda Herron
Women Sports USA®
I was competitive before I knew what competitive meant. Looking back, I recognize the competitive spirit in girls because I remember discovering it in myself. I didn’t have a definition for it or think about what it might say about my future. I knew I wanted to play, that I cared about how I played, and that improving made me want to keep going.
Growing up, I played street hockey with the neighborhood kids. Long before field hockey, I was discovering how much I enjoyed being in a game. I wasn’t thinking about college recruiting or where sports might lead. I wanted to participate and contribute. Looking back, I can see the beginning of a connection that stayed with me as the sports and circumstances changed.
Many of us recognize some version of that beginning. It may have been a neighborhood game, a race across a playground, or an afternoon spent trying to hit a ball farther than the day before. We may have cared about the outcome long before anyone called us competitive. Those early experiences belong in our sports stories because they help explain why we kept coming back.
Discovering the Satisfaction of Getting Better
Something changes when a child begins to care about doing something well. She pays attention to why one attempt worked, and another didn’t. She notices what a more experienced player does and wants to try it herself. A skill that seemed impossible begins to feel within reach, and progress gives her a reason to continue. She doesn’t need to call it motivation or determination. Sometimes she asks for another turn.
That is why I appreciate the ordinary beginnings of an athlete’s story. We often introduce someone through a championship, record, or college career, but those accomplishments follow many smaller discoveries. Before earning recognition, she has usually learned how to be a beginner: missing, adjusting, listening, and trying again. Somewhere in that process, she may discover that working toward something is satisfying in itself.
That freedom to begin without knowing where a sport might lead is at the heart of “Before We Specialized, We Just Played: The Joy of Playing Different Sports.” Each game gave me something to figure out and another way to discover my competitive nature. I didn’t need a long-term plan. Taking the game in front of me seriously sufficed.
Supporting the Competitive Spirit in Girls
When a girl says she wants to win, she needs room to say it—to pursue a position, ask for an opportunity, and take pride in what she has worked to accomplish. Her desire to become a stronger player creates an opportunity to teach her about preparation, practice, responsibility, and how her goals fit the team's needs.
Sometimes adults respond to disappointment before fully hearing it. We say, “It’s only a game,” hoping to help. Yet she may have practiced for weeks, looked forward to an opportunity, or believed she was ready to contribute more. The result matters because the effort mattered. We can offer perspective while acknowledging that she cared. Asking what she hoped would happen may begin a more useful conversation than asking her to stop feeling disappointed.
Not every disappointment requires a long discussion, and a child’s reaction should not go unchallenged. We can take her feelings seriously while helping her decide what comes next: congratulate an opponent, listen to her coach, and return to practice with something to work on. A girl can become gracious in defeat while remaining honest about how much she wanted to win.
Learning How to Handle Competitive Feelings
The desire to compete gives an athlete energy; experience teaches her how to use it. Some days, effort produces the result she hoped for, and some days it doesn’t. She may make a mistake at an important moment or watch a teammate receive an opportunity she wanted. Learning to remain accountable for her actions in those moments is part of her development. Her feelings are real, and so are her obligations to the people around her.
A player who misses a pass may stay focused on her frustration while the game continues. Almost immediately, she has another decision to make: get back into position, communicate with a teammate, and prepare for what is happening now. Those responses take practice, just as physical skills do. Over time, she can recover more quickly and become someone her teammates depend on when a game gets difficult.
Wanting more playing time can become the starting point for better questions about what improvement requires. The article “Athlete Playing Time in Sports: What the Bench Can Teach You” explores how athletes can seek useful feedback while continuing to contribute. Wanting a larger role is understandable. Learning how to work toward it gives that ambition direction.
Recognizing Different Kinds of Competitors
Competitive spirit doesn’t look the same in every girl. Some athletes are expressive and vocal; others reveal what they want through close attention and consistent effort. A girl can be reserved in conversation and determined during a game. We need to pay attention long enough to recognize what matters to her, instead of judging how much she cares by how loudly she shows it.
Recognizing what matters to a girl also means remembering that interest requires opportunity. A girl who has never been invited to try a sport may not yet know how much she would enjoy it. Another may need encouragement to enter an unfamiliar setting or time to feel comfortable learning in front of others. For a broader view of the forces shaping those opportunities, the Women’s Sports Foundation’s Go Out and Play: Youth Sports in America examines children’s participation in sports within families, schools, and communities.
Once a girl has somewhere to begin, she may discover more than we can predict. She may enjoy the teamwork, find satisfaction in a demanding skill, or realize she likes the excitement of a close game. We can create a welcoming place to start and give her room to form her own relationship with the sport.
Making Room for Mistakes and Ambition
A competitive girl needs to know that caring about her performance leaves room for mistakes. Improvement means trying things she cannot yet do consistently. A new skill may feel awkward, and a different responsibility may require patience. If every error seems to prove that she is falling short, she may avoid the chances that would help her develop. Adults can help by treating mistakes as something to understand and work through.
It can help to ask what she noticed, what she was attempting, or what she might change next time. A thoughtful decision deserves recognition even when the play didn’t succeed. Honest feedback can encourage an athlete by giving her a clear next step and showing her both what needs work and what she is beginning to do well.
The article “Athlete Perfection: When High Standards Stop Helping” explores that balance between ambitious expectations and the freedom to keep learning.
Adults also shape the larger environment in which that learning happens. Project Play’s Children’s Bill of Rights in Sports offers a useful framework for considering whether a girl can continue to grow through clear instruction, respectful treatment, and a reason to look forward to returning. An environment like that gives her ambition room to develop.
Understanding Competition Differently Over Time
My understanding of competition has grown along with those lessons. I still value the desire to do well, along with what doing well requires: preparation, patience, listening, and a willingness to adjust. I have learned that considerable effort does not replace another person’s perspective, and caring deeply about an outcome does not mean the first approach will get us there.
Team sports give us repeated chances to learn that our performance is part of something shared. Sometimes our most useful contribution is a decision that allows someone else to succeed. Sometimes it is staying engaged through a difficult stretch or accepting unexpected feedback. Those experiences give competitive ambition a wider purpose because others depend on how we respond.
I value those lessons more fully now than I could have as a child. When I picture the girl playing street hockey with the neighborhood kids, I don’t expect her to understand everything sports might teach her. She had games, people, and challenges ahead that she couldn’t yet imagine. She enjoyed being involved and wanted to see what she could do. That was a meaningful beginning in itself.
Let Her Discover What She Can Do
A beginning like that deserves room to grow. With instruction, encouragement, and honest expectations, a girl can learn to respect teammates and opponents, take responsibility for her behavior, and move through disappointment. She can also take pride in seeing her work come together. Those moments deserve to be celebrated.
She doesn’t need to know how far she wants to go or explain what sports will mean in her life. She may enjoy the challenge and want another chance to play. I was competitive before I knew what "competitive" meant, and now I appreciate how much there was to learn inside that feeling. Every girl deserves the chance to discover her abilities, take her effort seriously, and decide what she wants to pursue.
Here’s to every girl discovering her competitive spirit—and every woman who still recognizes it in herself.
Dream. Believe. Achieve.
Keep the inspiration going.
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Linda Herron is the Founder and CEO of Women Sports USA®, a former Division I field hockey athlete, coach, author, and business finance executive with over 40 years of experience. She uses storytelling to honor athletes, coaches, officials, and pioneers, preserving the history of women’s sports and inspiring future generations.
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